so sorry

I posted naked photos of myself online. What is this? 2008?!?! Gracious.

Moving on...

I have never ever ever been made to feel that I cannot do something simply because I am a girl. I'm sure there's been people around that may have indicated something stupid like that but it didn't stick with me. Mostly I just feel like I've been surrounded by people who just kinda supported one another based on the fact that we're people and we recognize one another's talents and abilities. Simple as that. And I like that. A lot.

I'm on the career path that I'm on because a person recognized something in me during an interview. He didn't know me. But he saw something there. And he took me under his wing and taught me stuff and gave me things to figure out on my own and "See what you can do with this!" and it made him happy when I'd go report back what I'd discovered or learned. He was my mentor and it was never a thing where I felt like some little girl he adopted. I just always felt like a person that he saw a spark in and he decided to fan that flame. I'm always going to have a special place for him in my heart.

I know that not all women have it as easy and I believe in equal rights and all of that. I'm a feminist in that regard for sure, it's just not anything I feel has been an issue in my life. So, yay for me!

But yesterday I found myself in a meeting that was being run by a woman. And ideas were being tossed out by women. And I'm a woman and I was there. And it just struck me as pretty damned awesome. Because I was in a meeting full of women and it was all business. No emotions. No drama. Nothing but really smart women planning some serious shit.

That confused me. Why would that stand out to me? I don't know. But it did. Because it makes me think that I do, perhaps, have that subconcious belief that most women are over emotional and incapable of being focused. Which is a shame. I shouldn't have that in my brain. But it obviously is, right? I'm part of the problem!

I don't like being part of the problem. I really don't.

I'm constanatly informed that I'm too emotional or that people are afraid to approach me because they have no idea what Andrea is going to respond. That I take things far too personally. That my reactions, and the anticipation of what my reaction may be, stresses people out.

All of that sucks and I have no idea what to do about it. But I don't like it about myself one little bit.

I am just finding out left and right that I'm not that super duper of a person. Fun, that.